The Longing Within (Desire for Discipline Book 3) Read online

  The next morning when she woke, John was nowhere to be seen. She was just about to get up and search for him when he entered the bedroom with a tray. “Breakfast,” he said.

  He set the tray down on the bed. It was complete with coffee, juice, a large plate of food and a vase with a single red long-stemmed rose.

  “You’ve already been out and about?” she asked.

  “I woke up early and didn’t want to disturb you, so I went to the corner market. I’ve made plenty of food for us to share.”

  There was bacon, scrambled eggs, fruit and toast on the tray and there was certainly enough for both of them. Lyndsey picked up one of the mugs and took a sip of the steaming coffee. “This is so thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

  “Get used to it. I intend to spoil you rotten once we’re married,” he replied as he picked up a strip of bacon.

  “How did I get so lucky?” she asked.

  He chuckled. “What’s on the agenda for today?” he asked.

  “I have no plans. I thought maybe since you’re only in town for a few days, we could just play it by ear.”

  “Mmmm, I like the sound of that,” he murmured as he leaned over to give her a good morning kiss.

  Chapter Two

  After a leisurely breakfast, John set the breakfast tray on the floor. “Now, I finally have your full, undivided attention, what am I going to do with you?” he asked.

  “I can think of a few things,” she replied with a coy smile. “You’ve plied me with a warm bath and food, so now it’s my turn to spoil you.”

  “That’s my girl,” he said in a husky voice as he kissed her neck.

  Lyndsey turned her head so that their faces were almost touching. John took the cue and devoured her waiting lips with his, sending her into a state of immediate, hot desire for him. It didn’t take much for her senses to begin reeling from the onslaught of his kiss, or his touch. It had been that way between them from the start. Just a certain look from him could make her heart start pumping faster and her body to begin to want more. When the kiss ended, she scooted down under the covers and took his already hard cock in her hands. She began to knead him gently while he moaned. When she was sure he was aroused sufficiently, her tongue began to dance all around the swollen head. After teasing him some more, she finally took the length of him into her mouth and began to suck gently, building momentum until he finally told her enough. “Stop it, woman, or this will end before it’s barely begun.”

  She released him and slid back up under him for another kiss. As his lips gently caressed her neck and shoulders, she shuddered. He didn’t stop there and moved down to her breasts. Taking his time to give each one the attention it deserved, he teased, suckled and kissed until she was panting. He ignored the urging of her hips and moved down to the warm, moist area between her legs. Planting kisses on both of her inner thighs before he finally gave her what she craved, his tongue began to tease her again, bringing her to an even more heated state. When he began to lap up the juices flowing from her innermost parts, she purred.

  “That’s my kitten,” he whispered as he lifted his face and looked up at her, into her eyes, by now filled with white hot, molten desire for him. When he was sure she was almost to the brink of passion for him, he raised himself up and entered her in one swift thrust. She easily adjusted her hips underneath his weight and began to move with him, in perfect rhythm to his movements. He thrust quickly and deeply, bringing them both to a perfect crescendo of fulfillment. After they lay quietly basking in the ecstasy of their morning coupling, he finally spoke. “Shower with me?” he asked.

  “Okay, then we can figure out how we’re going to spend the rest of the day,” she agreed as he rolled off her and stood up. He extended a hand to pull her up and they ran giggling to the bathroom.

  Of course the shower lasted longer than either of them had anticipated as they once again made love under the spray of the steaming water. Against the cool tile of the shower wall, John had entered her from behind, sending her into oblivion once again as the waves of sensation overtook her wet, sated body.

  When they had finally returned to the bedroom and dressed, John suggested they spend the afternoon enjoying lunch at a small café she’d introduced him to on one of his prior visits. “After that, we can do some window shopping. We really need to start thinking about furniture. Are we going to keep yours and mine and mix it or start fresh with new pieces?” he asked.

  “We haven’t even decided where we’re going to live, and you’re thinking about furniture?” she asked with a grin.

  “I think I’ve made a decision about the living arrangements,” he informed her.

  “Oh, really?” she asked as she brushed her long hair.

  “I own my own business. If I move my business here, it won’t affect any of my accounts and you can keep your job, provided you want to do that. We can start looking for a new place once I’ve made all the arrangements.”

  “Are you sure about that? I mean, isn’t that a pretty big leap?” she asked.

  “Not really. I’ve discussed it with my bigger clients and they saw no issue with it. I can fly out when I need to. I’ll keep the office open there and my employees will run it. I’ll set up a small place here and I’ll work from it. It’s a win-win situation. I’ll probably even pick up some local accounts here, or at least I hope so.”

  “Jarrod has some new condos going up. Bryan designed them and he says they’re going to be really nice. We could inquire about one of those. They should be finished before our wedding. I could work with Jill on the décor and we could probably be moved in before we leave for our honeymoon trip.”

  “That’s something to consider. My next trip out here, after Bryan gets back, we’ll sit down and discuss it with him. When is your lease up here?” he asked.

  “After the first year, it’s a month-to-month, so no problem there,” she replied. “What about your place?”

  “It’s the same,” he replied as he leaned over to tie his shoestring. When he’d finished, he stood up and asked, “Ready to go?”

  They enjoyed salads for lunch and from the café walked down the street to a popular furniture store. As they walked through the model rooms, Lyndsey saw several pieces she liked. “I still think we might want to take stock of what the two of us has before we spend a lot of money on anything new,” she said when they walked out into the bright sunlight.

  “Money isn’t an object, but we can do that,” he agreed as he took her hand.

  When they returned to her place, she brought cold drinks into the living room for the two of them. “We’ve settled a few issues. Now begins the work of setting you up in an office and getting you moved to Nashville,” she said as she sat down on the sofa and curled her feet up under her.

  “Lyndsey, there’s something else I’ve been reluctant to discuss with you. I wasn’t quite sure how you would react,” he said in a serious tone as he sipped his cola. He set the glass on a coaster on the end table and waited for her reply.

  “This sounds serious,” she said.

  “It’s very serious. There is a part of my life I’ve never divulged to you. Once we finally made our relationship known and we began to plan a future together, I knew the time would come that I would need to be completely honest with you.”

  “Do you have an ex-wife and kids lurking somewhere in your past?” she asked.

  “No, nothing like that,” he said with a grin. He took her hand in his and gave her a serious look. “Lyndsey, how much do you know about Dominant and submissive relationships?” he asked.

  Taken slightly aback by his direct question, she stammered out a reply. “I know a little. I’ve read some of the current popular books on the subject. In fact, part of the problem Bryan and Janis had with their relationship was the fact he wanted a structured marriage with rules. He wanted to practice Domestic Discipline and Janis wasn’t buying into it at all, not at first, anyway.”

  “So, you are familiar with the concept,” he said
as he rubbed his chin.

  “What does this have to do with you?” she asked.

  “Before I met you and entered into a committed relationship, I lived the BDSM lifestyle. I went to the clubs and to the parties. I had submissives, Lyndsey, more than one.”

  “Wow,” was all she could say to him at that point. “After we began dating, did you still?” she asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.

  “No, absolutely not,” he said emphatically. “Once I met you and we clicked, so to speak, I knew what we could have together was something different and special. I gave all that up and devoted myself to you. Now that we’re getting married, I wanted to tell you about that part of my life before you. I also wanted to discuss it with you, the lifestyle, to see what your thoughts are on the subject.”

  “I see. Are you asking me if I want to live this lifestyle with you once we’re married?” she asked.

  “It had crossed my mind that you might enjoy it. Up until now, our lovemaking has been tame, to say the least. Not that you don’t excite me or that I was ever disappointed in any way. I don’t mean to imply that at all. But if you’re interested, it might be something the two of us can share, behind closed doors, just the two of us, if you prefer.”

  “I don’t know, John. I mean, I even went so far as to encourage Janis to give Bryan’s way a chance, but I don’t think he is all out BDSM. Mild discipline is all he wanted. At least, as far as I know.”

  “Do you want to know more about it?” he asked.

  “John, you’ve really shocked me. I always thought of you as, I don’t know, conservative to a fault, maybe. I guess I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

  “I’m still the same man you fell in love with, just maybe with some different tastes than what you’ve seen so far.”

  “I’m a very independent woman. I have a lot of authority in my job. I’ve always been able to fend for myself. I just don’t see myself as the submissive type, if you know what I mean.”

  “I understand and that’s one of the things I love about you. But, hear me out. How enticing does it sound to you, that after a long, hard day at the office, after a full day of exercising your authority, you were to come home to a warm, lavender bath like the one I drew for you last night? What if I made your favorite dinner, took care of all the household details, so that you never had to worry about that? Doesn’t that sound nice to you, to relinquish control once you step foot inside our home, after being in charge all day long at the office?”

  “Explain that to me. All I’m seeing in my head is whips and chains and leather.”

  “Oh, there’s so much more to a D/s relationship than sex, my love. In a loving, caring relationship, the Dominant partner takes charge. He or she cares for the other. In return, the submissive partner allows that to happen, totally submitting all control to his or her partner. There are rules, like Bryan and Janis practice. If the rules are broken, there are consequences, but it is done for the good of the relationship. The lovemaking can be more daring, but at no time is anything done that the submissive doesn’t agree to, at least not with me. I’m the kind of Dom who looks out for his sub. Everything is completely consensual.”

  “I really don’t know how to react to this, John. I don’t know if I can…”

  “I don’t require an answer to this tonight. It’s not a deal breaker, either way. I felt I need to be completely honest with you about my past. In doing that, it only seemed logical to at least broach the subject with you. I hope it doesn’t change things between us because I brought it up.”

  “You know I’m going to have to think about this long and hard. It’s not something I can just jump into, not even with you. I’m going to have to do some research. I just don’t know if I could ever…”

  “It’s completely up to you. At least think about it, for me. That’s all I ask.”

  “I don’t mind experimenting with you in fun, but the whole dynamics of the situation just escapes me.”

  “Do your research. We’ll discuss it again. Perhaps you can talk with Janis.”

  “That would be ironic after I encouraged her with Bryan, for me to approach her with reservations of my own.”

  “Honey, forget about it for tonight. Let’s order dinner in and relax tonight. I have to fly back home tomorrow and you have to go back to the office. I don’t want this to taint our relationship just because I brought up the subject. I realize you are going to have to give it some serious thought after it all soaks in. I’m sorry if I shocked you.”

  “No, I’m glad you told me. I don’t know that I can ever be that kind of wife to you, but I will at least give it some thought.”

  “I love you, Lyndsey.”

  “I love you, too, John. Now, how about Chinese for dinner? The place on the next block delivers.”

  The subject was tabled for the rest of the visit. Lyndsey had experienced a shock. It didn’t make her love John any less. In fact, she was glad he had felt he could open up to her about his past and the lifestyle he’d enjoyed before he met her. But for her to consent to a D/s relationship was the furthest thing from her mind. She didn’t have it in her. It wasn’t the way she was made up, to give up control of any aspect of her life to another person. At least she didn’t think it was. It had been nice having him care for her after the reception. The bath he’d drawn for her, the breakfast in bed, she had to admit had all been nice. That was only the tip of the iceberg, though. Could she leave all household decisions up to John? Could she let go of her naturally authoritive nature and could she follow a set of rules set up by her husband? She had to admit it did have a certain appeal after some of the days she’d experienced at work, to be able to come home and let someone else handle everything.

  The food arrived and she enjoyed the rest of the evening. She was quiet, listening to John talk, smiling and nodding. If he noticed, he didn’t comment. She fell asleep in his arms and the next morning she said goodbye as she left for the office. He promised to phone her when his plane landed. It was much like any other weekend they’d spent together, yet something had changed and they both were acutely aware of it.

  Chapter Three

  John had been gone a week. Lyndsey had been extremely busy at work and hadn’t allowed herself to think about their discussion. She had to admit when she arrived at home on Thursday evening, after a stressful day at the office, she would have welcomed some pampering from John. But, he wasn’t there, and so she filled the bathtub with warm water, sprinkling lavender bath salts into it and she swirled the mixture with her hand before stepping out of her clothes. She checked the temperature of the water before turning off the faucet and gingerly lowered herself into the water. As she relaxed for the first time since six o’clock that morning, she let her thoughts wander to John. What would it be like to live the lifestyle he had proposed? Could she? Would she? She still didn’t have an answer to those questions.

  She got out of the tub and dried herself before picking up the pile of clothes on the floor. Throwing them into the overflowing laundry hamper, she slipped into a pair of satin pajamas and padded to the kitchen to see what was in the cupboards for dinner. She hadn’t had time to stop at the market after work any night that week, so she knew there wasn’t much to choose from. Finally deciding to throw together a salad with whatever she could find, she sat down at the bar with a bottle of French dressing and drizzled some of it over the vegetables in her bowl. She looked around at her apartment as she ate. The place was a wreck. She’d come in late every night this week, exhausted from her day. The laundry was out of control, she needed to dust and vacuum and things were lying where she’d left them every night. She knew what her weekend would consist of. Chores, shopping, and hopefully, some rest. It would be nice to be able to share some of the burden with John once they were married and living together. Just how much of the burden she wanted to be relieved of was the question on her mind that evening.

  When she had loaded the dirty dishes in the sink into the dishwasher and tur
ned out the lights, she went to the bedroom and crawled between the cool sheets. As she reached for the remote to watch the eleven o’clock news, her cell rang. She picked it up and looked at it. John!

  “Hello,” she said as she answered his call.

  “Hi, honey, how was your day?” he asked.

  “Perfectly horrible, to say the least,” she replied. “The whole week has been crazy and everyone is stressed beyond belief. We have a huge deadline looming and everything that could go wrong has.”

  “What time did you get home?” he asked.

  “Not long ago. I had a bath, fixed a salad, and just now crawled into bed.”

  “You must be exhausted,” he said with concern in his voice. “I wish I could be there to help you. I could rub your feet and cuddle with you, have dinner waiting for you.”

  “That all sounds marvelous right about now,” she replied. “At least tomorrow is Friday. If I can make it through one more day, I’ll be fine.”

  “If the deadline is looming, is there a chance you’ll have to go in over the weekend?” he asked.

  “No, we still have all of next week. I’m sincerely hoping things go smoother next week. Besides, I have tons to catch up on here over the weekend. Grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, you know the drill.”

  “Don’t overdo it. You need the weekend to recoup, too.”

  “I won’t. How was your week?” she asked, anxious to change the subject.

  “Uneventful for the most part,” he said. “I finished up an ad for one of my major clients. Now, I can begin to concentrate on making my move. I’ll plan another trip down there soon to check out some office locations.”

  “That’s great. When Bryan gets home and settled, I’ll mention the condos to him.”

  “I hate to ask, but if you get a chance, can you check with a realtor about looking for some office space for me?” he asked.

  “Actually, I can do better than that,” she replied. “I’ll speak to Jill. I think there may be available space in Jarrod’s office building that you can rent. I remember Janis mentioning it at one time. I’ll see if that’s still the case.”